trying to remember sense ations like the feeling of floor on shoe on foot on body the small pounding: you and the rest of everything colliding. small earthquake little tremors tiny dancer and you want to know about the significance of everything but really its heal to toe, heal to toe healing to healing to healing
the idea of being put away, a person, all of a sudden like a canister of salt, shelf-ridden. a hospital like the loneliest pantry, dusty corridors of only lentils. flour. peppercorns. and then a nurse comes, chasing the hollow. the signs say always wear gloves when handling toxins. the people and the salt are no different. they can both kill you in high enough doses. everyone in their place. order. security. rice. pills.
i woke up clutching fistfuls of my own hair dreaming of how soft my head would be, bald eagles never wished for dreadlocks.
in the shower this morning, i considered fear. Things I am afraid of:
the dark disappointing people forgetting things getting lost violence loneliness not knowing
I once had a dream in which I cut off all of my hair and wailed big long wails, maybe in real life,
at the concert, i was a string bean long enough and narrow enough fresh picked summer stock sunshine intensive protein rich slightly woody and better with a little mustard-- that was me and i danced with my stringbean arms and the sound approached us like afternoon showers, you could close your eyes and really think you were the only one.
The flies pleasantly made themselves a home in the tbone steak you left out on the table, wooden grain swelling with blood slowly reddening, suddenly embarrassed, You were long gone. There was salt and pepper, tipped- small piles like dirty snow. Just like that, a portrait of forgotten.
When the dogs come, they will tear it to shreds, drunkenly shredding the infested thing. Someone on the other side of town is playing the spoons and humming an old tune. The mountains shrug, you're not the first
and everyone knows you won't be the last in line to buy beer cans at the local deli.